Happy Vegewe'en!

Seeing as it is Hallowe'en, I thought this would be the perfect time to write about vegetables.  Well, there really isn't much to say except that I am trying to eat more of them, or at least drink more via V8.  This is also an excuse for me to post the following advertisement:

If only they still made them like this...

Oh, and here is a tribute to V8:

Mmmm, blooood!

The H1N1 vaccine.

I just received the H1N1 vaccine.  Here, in Canada, the vaccine is rather scarce.  In fact, most doctors have no idea when they will be able to offer the vaccine.  How did I get it?  Luck.  I went in to see my doctor about my migraine this morning and it just so happened he got the vaccine today.  As I am anorexic, I am considered 'immune compromised.'  If I were a normal person, I would have to wait longer.  Anyway, I have been worried about H1N1, so now having the shot is a great comfort to me.  He also gave me another shot of demerol and gravol for the migraine.  Here's to hoping they both work.

Entombed.

Fit young men,
Whom by death,
Leave this earth,
Entombed by flesh.

Recent unpleasantness.

My composure is fracturing as I am dealt with so many migraines.  Or is it just a pleasant façade that is fracturing; that I am naturally an asshole?

For oneself.

The past few months have been ones of great change for me.  This began in mid-August when I returned from a trip to Key West.  I am not sure if it was the trip or the return home that did it, but something in me evolved.  First, I infused discipline into my life.  I did this by asking myself what is important.  My body is important, so I started eating better.  Knowledge is important, so I dove into the pile of waiting books at my bedside.  Sanity is important, so I became more social; I even started a conversation with a young lady at the mall whom is now one of my best friends.  In every way my life has improved.

However, I have recently been setback by migraines.  I fell ill with a virus in early October, which caused me to miss some school.  Up until then I had not missed a single day.  The stress of falling behind in college, the first time I had ever done so in my post-secondary life, and the stress of the virus caused my migraines to return from their month long dormancy.  As a result, for the past three weeks I have been almost constantly affected by migraines.  In response, I have visited the doctor a few times lately.  The first visit he prescribed me some anti-migraine medication, which I do not plan to take as it is primarily an anti-depressant; I have been on multiple anti-depressants in the past and stopped them early this summer and wish to stay off of them for a while longer to see how or if they truly benefit me (so far I can only think of negative effects on me).

The first visit to the doctor also revealed something quite amazing.  As I mentioned earlier, a few months ago I vowed to eat better.  As I am diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, this meant that I vowed to eat more.  Well, the doctor decided to weigh me to see how I was doing.  It turns out that I have gained between 10lbs and 15lbs (he reweighed me the second visit and this is the average).  I like to think of that as earned weight.  I chose not to weigh myself over the past months because I know all too well the fickleness of scales, so it had been a long time since I knew what I weighed (approximately 125lbs at June’s end).  This may sound absurd to the average reader, but it has been very difficult for me to allow myself to eat more.  It is as if talking oneself into no longer inhaling air; it is near impossible.  Anyway, I am very proud of my weight gain.  I do not plan to gain much more weight, if any, as I am now around the minimal weight for my height and I feel great at it.

The second visit to the doctor was when I finally got control of my migraine.  He gave me a shot of demerol and gravol.  This did not completely rid me of my migraine, but it did beat it down enough for me to fight it off over the next couple of days.  Now I am migraine free and what a relief it is!  Now I can get back to socializing again.  I have so many people to write and hangout with (something virtually unheard of to the pre-summer Chad).  And I have a lot of homework to catch up on.  So, now you know why this journal may not see an entry for another week; I am about to be very busy.

I believe that the changes I made in August have allowed me to keep going, to keep fighting, to keep happy.  This is real positive feedback.  This is my anti-depressant.

New friends.

I am meeting the coolest people in the strangest places.

The Greyest of Rain

When wintertime beckons we follow,

Abandoning summertime’s heart,

Forgotten is fall’s sleepy hollow,

And springtime’s seams slip apart.

With cauterized minds we wander,

Away from what is called real,

So eager we are to ponder,

Yet petrified we are to feel.

What must be done is a fire,

We’ll stoke it beneath every vein,

Then warm blooded we’ll see desire,

In even the greyest of rain.

Studying made fun.

I have been studying a lot lately.  Seeing as it is mid-terms, studying is to be expected.  Everyone knows that studying is rarely the most fun way to obtain information, but sometimes it can be entertaining.  What I am talking about is the Linguistic Anthropology "Parts of Speech Primer" which my professor wrote.  It contains multiple examples of parts of speech within sentences, and many of these sentences really make me smile.  Here are a few examples:

"Verbs may be used with the auxiliary verbs have and beand the inflectional suffixes -ing, -ed, -en to form perfect and progressive tenses and passives (see tenses below),Have you ever seen such an ugly baby?"

"present perfect progressive (continuous in the past but now complete): Gladys has been poisoning pigeons in the park." 

"past progressive (continuous in the past): Horst was making chlorine in his bedroom."

"Adverbs₁ may be found in the predicate modifying the verb (generally they answer the questions ‘how?’ or ‘when’ or ‘where’): I always₁ drink tea with vodka."

"Somebody ate the tulips. Nobody seemed disturbed." 

"relative pronouns: who, whom, that, which, when, whereand why are all called relative pronouns when they begin a relative clause (a clause embedded in a noun phrase as a complex adjective); adding ever makes these indefinite: The man whom you fired just got a firearms license.  I have a secret place where I keep those naughty pictures of you. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t marry my brother."

Thoughts

Am I forgotten?
A songbird without a voice,
I still think she’s cool.

~

Update - October 17 2009
I have improved this haiku:

Am I forgotten?
The songbird without a voice:
I still think she’s cool.

Fireside study.

Fireside study., originally uploaded by Chaddicus.

I am taking a break from studying fireside to write this. Our basement is a wonderful place now. It had fallen into disuse after our old CRT projector broke last spring, and has since been used as a sorting grounds for all the junk that has been stockpiled in our house over the past eighteen years. I was able to convince Dad to buy a new projector a few weeks ago, and the basement has since been cleaned and rearranged. The projector sits on a unit about two thirds of the way back from the screen and behind that is where I am currently sitting. There is the unit and a table to my right, a stool for my feet in front of me, and the fireplace to my left. This is my new study area. For the past few nights I have come down here, lit a fire, put on the cable box's digital radio Chamber Music station, sat in this comfortable chair, and studied. I love it here.

Note: In the picture above, I have turned so that you can also see the fire.

Seeing Aphrodite

A few days ago, I saw something magnificent: a beautiful young woman ordering food.  She stood at the counter, back straight and head slightly elevated to read the menu high on the wall.  Her hands were placed upon the counter, one on top of the other.  She stood a few inches shorter than me and was fitfully lean.  Her jeans were cut closely to her long legs, but not so close as to look tight.  The sweater she wore fit her just as well as her jeans did.  Then there was her adorable face.  It was neither round nor angular, but perfectly defined.  She squinted slightly as she read the menu, making an expression both cute and decisive, as if she were a military leader pondering her next move.  This is what really grabbed me about her.  Not only was she incredibly attractive, she also had that rare aura of greatness.  I imagined my arms around her dainty waist, her marvellous eyes on me, our lips joined in a delicate kiss.  I only viewed her for a moment before moving on.  I knew that she would never be mine, but, like a cup of hot chocolate, it was a fine thrill.

Too Often the Case, part II; a malleable haiku.

The morning sun tries - valiant!
Except I have thousand pound eyelids.

Too Often the Case

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Inside my head,
Is nothing but goo.

Come to Our Senses

A fireside whisper,
A blanket for words,
Between the wood crackling,
Our kisses are heard.

Your fingertips meet me,
Like passionate rain,
We sigh cheek to cheek,
As bodies we gain.

Now share your scent swiftly,
So by morning light,
Your fragrance permits me,
To savour this night.

And look past my eyelids,
To see how I melt,
Your vision is silent,
And softer than felt.

No! Softer than velvet,
And purer than wine,
But what does that matter,
As we elude time.